Trying to Stay on Track

As per my typical ADD self I got lost somewhere in the midst of my daily challenge.  Every day I have continued to try VERY HARD to keep my words positive and praising Dan for all his hard work.  I have to say not only has it seemed to change how he responds to me but it seems that I am starting to change.  Instead of feeling pissed that he isn't home for dinner again, I haven't felt angry or frustrated about it, but this surprising emotion of...what is that???  Compassion?  Amazing how we can lose that for our husbands after years of marriage and kids and whatever. 
I spent so many years feeling and frankly...knowing....that my years in the trenches of having 3 babies at home was the harder job that I got used to feeling justified in my annoyance towards my husband.  And those years when I was home with all 3 all day with no breaks - it was pretty rough.  And my sweet husband never really complained.  He readily admitted that life was hard for me. 
These days I get more free time and he is getting less and less as he progresses in his career.  And I have still been complaining.  This challenge has done wonders for changing MY perspective and MY heart.  I feel less jaded and cheated by his career and feel compassion for him when he misses tucking the kids in again. 
And truthfully, I feel more in love with him.

Praise and Respect

Giving my husband praise has never been a hard point for me.  As a person with a "Love Language" of words of affirmation I tend to dispense compliments and words of encouragement like candy.  It comes naturally to me to tell my husband how much I love him, respect him etc.  I know this is a sticky area for alot of women.  Sometimes we feel as though we don't respect our husbands so why should we bother to praise them?  Because praising them is a form of respect - which God asks us to give our husbands.

Finding the good in Dan is never all that hard for me.  There is a deep amount of love that I carry for him so there is always something to praise him about.   It's true - if you can't think of anything you love and respect about your husband enough to speak about - keep looking you'll find it.

The biggest thing to me is keeping realistic expectations for my husband.  He is a stable, hardworking, practical man.  He's never going to wake up in the morning and be my best girlfriend and anxiously discuss the latest Nordstrom sale.   He's never going to be a character in a Nicholas Sparks novel.  And I don't want him to be.  Even though there are times that I act like he isn't meeting these needs.  The Bible doesn't say that your husband shall supply all your need.  But it DOES say "May God shall supply all my need according to his riches in glory."  Phil 4:19 

So here is one of many lists I plan to make about things to praise Dan about.

1.  He is an excellent provider
2.  He makes me laugh every day
3.  He works hard to supply as many needs as he can for us.  Needs AND wants
4.  I know he strives to make me happy.  Not all husbands do.
5.  He's a FANTASTIC dad.
6.  He's brilliant
7. I look up to him in so many ways and rely on him for his wisdom

I think it's important to make these lists and make them often.  In our head, on your blog, in a note packed in his lunch.  Focusing on these positives will only promote more thinking and dwelling on these positives.

Money - Love it Hate it

Today I was supposed to make sure we are dealing with our finances in a respectful way towards our husbands.  This is a tricky one for me.  And I came home with a plethera of bags from the mall.  LOL.  Most of which I cleared by him first though.  But it is inevitably always more than he anticipates.  It's a tricky thing balancing my love of spending, holding back for the sake of respecting my husband's wishes and also providing all the things we "need" as a family. 

We've taken a few hard hits here in the last few months financially.  But I did make sure I consulted Dan today about some big purchases that are looming over our heads.  I made my recommendation, and left it to him to decide.  He did in fact go another way from what I wanted, but I think we made a pretty good arrangement and I'd like to think he felt respected. 

Don't Have to Be Perfect

What I am trying to do with this challenge is to approach it in a way that is not "All or nothing..."  I'm going to be tired and cranky and annoyed by the little details that get under our skin in marriage.  But instead of trying to be perfect and not ever be snarky with my husband (although that it a goal of mine!!)  I'm trying to transform the big picture.  To get to a place where frustration isn't my go to emotion - which it can be, especially related to Dan.  And why?  He's a good man.  He fixes stuff around the house, he's a good provider, he plays with the kids and truly acts like a partner. 
There are 2 rooms we can live in.  There is the room where you have posters with sayings like "My husband is such a slob - pick up your socks!"  and "For once can you give me a compliment or give me a kiss before grabbing my boobs?"  or maybe worse.... "I'll never forget or forgive him for the time he ______________".  

The walls in this room are plastered with hurts, unforgiveness, unmet expectations.  If we spend too much time in this room our spouse will get under our skin...annoy us....disappoint us.

The other room in our lives has posters that say things like "My husband is the greatest kisser."  or "I love how he brings me my morning coffee in bed on Saturdays."  Or "I'll never forget the tender way he held me and took care of me the day my grandmother died..."

These walls are covered with thousands of blessings your husband has provided you with, happy memories, words like  SMART, HANDSOME, HILARIOUS. 

Most of the time after years of marriage the door to the negative room seems to want to stay open and invite us in.  And the happy positive room seems like an obligation to visit.

I believe the more time we spend in our happy room, the more we develop a positive attitude in our marriage.  This challenge reminds us to spend more time in that room.

My husband is one of the greatest blessings God has ever given me.  My goal in this challenge is not to be perfect at it, but to help me an appreciative, prayerful wife who behaves as though she has been blessed by God.  

Grumpasaurus

So here I am technically on day 1.  And I wake up cranky.  Gr.  But to my credit when he got home 2 hours late last night - I felt compassion instead of the desire to be pissy and take it out on him.  When I got the text that he was going to be late again, my first feelings were anger...but I reminded myself of my mission and just told him I was sad and missed him. 
This morning I just woke up cranky.  And it didn't start out well. He didn't get his first class greeting right away, but I sent him off with a yummy packed lunch and good kiss good-bye.   He won't be home until very late tonight but I'll make sure to tell him how lucky I feel to be his wife. 

In the meantime, I plan to get my daily reading time in with "The Power of the Praying Wife".  That has really been helpful too.

Um....Failure?

So I guess the cat's out of the bag.  I failed this challenge miserably.  Due to some big changes in my life and in an effort to get my crap together and start being the Godly woman I claim to want to be.  It never has waivered that I love my God, husband and kids.  But like any other person, my priorities  can get skewed.  So here I am making a new commitment to try to do this challenge.  One of my dearest friends did this challenge and it did a complete overhaul on her marriage. 
And I saw it happen.  It's not like her marriage was in complete shambles before hand.  But there was the typical frustration and disappointment that comes along with marriage and kids.  I hadn't seen them in almost a year after she implemented this challenge and I was truly taken aback and how their lives and changed.  How their respective relationships with God had changed.   Perhaps I will ask her to post her testimony about it.  It's inspiring. I can't say I have heard her speak negatively about her husband since then.  And we all know how difficult (practically impossible?!?!) that can be.
I've been making a lot of different choices for myself in my relationship with my husband, kids and God.  I have felt compelled to do this challenge for sometime and here I am to say I'm jumping in.  Encouragement, please!  I'm going to need it.